Death has brought me more Life than I could have ever wished for
I was walking somewhere in the Amsterdam Bijlmer Area at age 15…thinking and mourning my mother that left life by taking her own life a year before. Tears ran down my face as I was missing her so much and so deeply. I felt lost and intense lonely without her loving presence and care. I was remembering all her warmth and tenderness and realized that our time together may have been a short fourteen years but that I appreciated every bit of it! That I would never have traded my mother for another that would have been with me for a long ‘life time’.
In that moment and at that time I deeply realized that an hour of ‘shared love’ was worth a lifetime of missing someone. That the blessing of being loved and loving was infinite much greater compared to the pain and suffering of loosing that Love and the beloved. I intuitively knew from the Heart that Love was the highest Force. That in Love rests the immortality of All those who’s bodies we’ve buried. There and then is where I decided to always embrace Love… not to judge the circumstances in which it would present itself. Not to worry too much about disturbing thoughts crossing my mind. The whispering of my Heart would always be louder than the screaming thoughts of my mind. I started to see and discover Life and Love in the most unexpected places and people. I found heart treasures brighter than earthly diamonds in seemingly dark places and people.
I have fallen in love deeply beyond words with different beloved ones, I have broken my heart in unspeakable ways…It scared me at times but the faith that was born from knowing Love has always brought out a part of me that is brave. And breaking my heart over and over opened it to grow bigger and bigger and brighter than I could have imagined.
I deeply appreciate Life and Love because I lost so much of it when I was just way too young. This realization has multiplied the Love within me enabling me to embrace Love instead of doubt and fear. I choose to honor my loses by turning them into a abundance of Love…
It makes me Grateful and Rich beyond matter…